Aphorisms Galore!

Groucho Marx

real name Julius Henry Marx; American humorist; b. 1890; d. 1977

Aphorisms Attributed to This Aphorist

tiny.ag/bkfg47jr  ·   Fair (887 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I didn't like the play. But I saw it under unfavorable circumstances -- the curtains were up.

Groucho Marx, in Art and Literature

tiny.ag/hwvmnmsf  ·   Fair (257 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Groucho Marx, in Altruism and Cynicism

tiny.ag/bn17or2l  ·   Fair (268 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx, in Altruism and Cynicism

tiny.ag/l9ib3pad  ·   Fair (323 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Groucho Marx, in War and Peace

tiny.ag/5i2ylath  ·   Fair (313 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Groucho Marx, in War and Peace

tiny.ag/7gpwjccm  ·   Fair (236 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. And inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Groucho Marx, in Wisdom and Ignorance