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Aphorisms Galore! lets you Feed Your Wit by browsing, searching, submitting, and discussing aphorisms and witty sayings by famous and not-so-famous people.

Welcome! The computer thought you might be interested in these aphorisms today, taking into account things like their recent popularities and how new they are to the collection:

tiny.ag/iqolobqc · submitted 1997

In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to lie and cheat.

Robert Byrne, in Vice and Virtue

tiny.ag/hjlqxeds · submitted 1997

In politics, merit is rewarded by the possessor being raised, like a target, to a position to be fired at.

Christian Nevell Bovee, (from Politicians and Other Scoundrels by Ferdinand Lundberg), in Law and Politics

tiny.ag/9qotdgih · submitted 1999

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Doug Kenney, in Love and Hate

tiny.ag/bgvxtarp · submitted 1997

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Thomas Jefferson, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation

tiny.ag/ev3fc9xo · submitted 1997

Life is like a sewer -- what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Tom Lehrer, (from the album An Evening Wasted), in Life and Death

tiny.ag/o7yghtxb · submitted 1999

Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two equals four. If that is granted, all else follows.

George Orwell, 1984, in Happiness and Misery

tiny.ag/eoc1jiyu · submitted 1997

There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.

Benjamin Disraeli, in Science and Religion

tiny.ag/mgtvsjqa · submitted 1997

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Thomas Alva Edison, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation

tiny.ag/gvfo9jw1 · submitted 1997

Education is the period during which you are being instructed by somebody you do not know, about something you do not want to know.

Gilbert K. Chesterton, in Wisdom and Ignorance

tiny.ag/7graufwl · submitted 1997

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Mahatma Gandhi, in Law and Politics and Work and Recreation

tiny.ag/iht7l65u · submitted 1997

Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.

Bellamy Brooks, in Altruism and Cynicism

tiny.ag/tuvabnig · submitted 1999

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Woody Allen, in Life and Death and Love and Hate

tiny.ag/toiqhdlg · submitted 1997

Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

David Broder, in Law and Politics

tiny.ag/da1k6tun · submitted 1999 by Stephen

All these nervous breakdowns are driving me crazy.

Lee Hawkins, in Health and Disease

tiny.ag/bjsd3gdi · submitted 1997

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Mahatma Gandhi, in Happiness and Misery

tiny.ag/nvfl7j9k · submitted 1997

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.