Mark Twain

Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.

 Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger, in  Life and Death

Be good and you will be lonesome.

 Mark Twain, Following the Equator, in  Happiness and Misery and  Vice and Virtue

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.

 Mark Twain, in  Work and Recreation

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read.

 Mark Twain, in  Art and Literature and  Wisdom and Ignorance

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

 Mark Twain, in  Happiness and Misery

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence -- and then success is sure.

 Mark Twain, in  Success and Failure

Always do right -- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

 Mark Twain, in  Vice and Virtue

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

 Mark Twain, in  Vice and Virtue

Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.

 Mark Twain, in  Vice and Virtue

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.

 Mark Twain, in  Happiness and Misery

Facts, or what a man believes to be facts, are delightful... Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

 Mark Twain, in  Science and Religion

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

 Mark Twain, in  Altruism and Cynicism

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

 Mark Twain, in  Art and Literature

Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy.

 Mark Twain, in  Vice and Virtue and  Work and Recreation

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

 Mark Twain, in  Altruism and Cynicism

I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

 Mark Twain, in  Altruism and Cynicism

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

 Mark Twain, in  Art and Literature

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

 Mark Twain, in  Wisdom and Ignorance

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said, "I don't know."

 Mark Twain, in  Wisdom and Ignorance

I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

 Mark Twain, in  Wealth and Poverty