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Aphorisms Galore! lets you Feed Your Wit by browsing, searching, submitting, and discussing aphorisms and witty sayings by famous and not-so-famous people.
Welcome! The computer thought you might be interested in these aphorisms today, taking into account things like their recent popularities and how new they are to the collection:
tiny.ag/iqolobqc · submitted 1997
In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to lie and cheat.
tiny.ag/hjlqxeds · submitted 1997
In politics, merit is rewarded by the possessor being raised, like a target, to a position to be fired at.
Christian Nevell Bovee, (from Politicians and Other Scoundrels by Ferdinand Lundberg), in Law and Politics
tiny.ag/bgvxtarp · submitted 1997
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Thomas Jefferson, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation
tiny.ag/9qotdgih · submitted 1999
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
tiny.ag/ev3fc9xo · submitted 1997
Life is like a sewer -- what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Tom Lehrer, (from the album An Evening Wasted), in Life and Death
tiny.ag/eoc1jiyu · submitted 1997
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
tiny.ag/o7yghtxb · submitted 1999
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two equals four. If that is granted, all else follows.
George Orwell, 1984, in Happiness and Misery
tiny.ag/l5snrywf · submitted 1997
Conscience is the window of our spirit, evil is the curtain.
tiny.ag/mgtvsjqa · submitted 1997
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Thomas Alva Edison, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation
tiny.ag/gvfo9jw1 · submitted 1997
Education is the period during which you are being instructed by somebody you do not know, about something you do not want to know.
tiny.ag/7graufwl · submitted 1997
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
tiny.ag/iht7l65u · submitted 1997
Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.
tiny.ag/tuvabnig · submitted 1999
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Woody Allen, in Life and Death and Love and Hate
tiny.ag/nvfl7j9k · submitted 1997
Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
tiny.ag/c6jkeq5x · submitted 1997
I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
tiny.ag/64hrko9k · submitted 1997
I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.
tiny.ag/bjsd3gdi · submitted 1997
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
tiny.ag/toiqhdlg · submitted 1997
Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
tiny.ag/i5ba47dl · submitted 1997
It gets late early out there.
Yogi Berra, (on Yankee Stadium in the fall), in Work and Recreation
tiny.ag/vmqykh2c · submitted 1997
The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them.
Joseph Heller, Catch-22, in Work and Recreation