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Life and Death

196 aphorisms  ·  15 comments

Aphorisms in This Category

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Comment#  ·   Fair (512 ratings)  ·  submitted 1998

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it.

Jack Handey, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (986 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts, in Life and Death

Deep Thoughts (paperback)

Comment#  ·   Fair (64 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Life is made up of marble and mud.

Nathaniel Hawthorne, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (264 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (251 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Life is a fatal, sexually transmitted disease.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (265 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Life is like a raffle -- you must be present to win.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (321 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Life's a bitch, and then she has puppies.

Unknown, in Life and Death and Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (239 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (218 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (226 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997  · 

Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (259 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Not everyone born in a stable thinks himself a horse.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (257 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (291 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (262 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The secret to life is that there is no secret.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (402 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

To live a perfect life, you must ask nothing, give nothing, and expect nothing.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery and Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (358 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.

Unknown, in Life and Death and Success and Failure

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