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Mark Twain

real name Samuel L. Clemens; American author; b. 1835; d. 1910  ·  35 aphorisms  ·  no comments

Aphorisms Attributed to This Aphorist

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Comment#  ·   Fair (380 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.

Mark Twain, in Vice and Virtue

Comment#  ·   Fair (1238 ratings)  ·  submitted 1999  · 

Be good and you will be lonesome.

Mark Twain, Following the Equator, in Happiness and Misery and Vice and Virtue

Following the Equator (paperback)

Comment#  ·   Fair (412 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.

Mark Twain, in Happiness and Misery

Comment#  ·   Fair (349 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Facts, or what a man believes to be facts, are delightful... Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Mark Twain, in Science and Religion

Comment#  ·   Fair (350 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Mark Twain, in Altruism and Cynicism

Comment#  ·   Fair (462 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

Mark Twain, in Art and Literature

Comment#  ·   Fair (356 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy.

Mark Twain, in Vice and Virtue and Work and Recreation

Comment#  ·   Fair (304 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Mark Twain, in Altruism and Cynicism

Comment#  ·   Fair (301 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Mark Twain, in Altruism and Cynicism

Comment#  ·   Fair (474 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Mark Twain, in Art and Literature

Comment#  ·   Fair (350 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Mark Twain, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Comment#  ·   Fair (340 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said, "I don't know."

Mark Twain, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Comment#  ·   Fair (439 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Mark Twain, in Wealth and Poverty

Comment#  ·   Fair (205 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Mark Twain, in Vice and Virtue

Comment#  ·   Fair (191 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Mark Twain, in Vice and Virtue

Comment#  ·   Fair (121 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

Mark Twain, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Comment#  ·   Fair (166 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.

Mark Twain, in Law and Politics

Comment#  ·   Fair (136 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Mark Twain, in Work and Recreation

Comment#  ·   Fair (342 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.

Mark Twain, in Art and Literature

Comment#  ·   Fair (158 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Let us so live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry.

Mark Twain, in Life and Death and Vice and Virtue

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