Altruism and Cynicism

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Albert Einstein, in Altruism and Cynicism

Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it is an enemy.

Albert Einstein, in Altruism and Cynicism and Success and Failure

A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions.

George Eliot, in Altruism and Cynicism

The danger today is not so much that machines will learn to think and feel but that men will cease to do so.

Ferry, in Altruism and Cynicism and Science and Religion

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

W. C. Fields, in Altruism and Cynicism

Never give a sucker an even break and never smarten up a chump.

W. C. Fields, in Altruism and Cynicism

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W. C. Fields, in Altruism and Cynicism

Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism

Egoist: A person of low taste, more interested in themselves than in me.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Ambrose Bierce, in Altruism and Cynicism

He who hesitates is probably smart... or maybe stapled to the floor.

Dr. Squid, in Altruism and Cynicism and Success and Failure

In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king... and the one-eyed man with the high heels and the feather boa is queen.

Dr. Squid, in Altruism and Cynicism

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think, and a docudrama with ugly actors for those who film docudramas.

Dr. Squid, in Altruism and Cynicism and Life and Death

The only absolute knowledge worth attaining is that your life is meaningless. -- My life? Well now, that's another story...

Dr. Squid, in Altruism and Cynicism and Life and Death

You are cautious in showing your true self to others. Have you thought about plastic surgery?

Dr. Squid, in Altruism and Cynicism

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Robert J. Hanlon, in Altruism and Cynicism and Vice and Virtue

Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.

Louise Beal, in Altruism and Cynicism

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism