American author and journalist; b. 1842; d. 1913 · 29 aphorisms · no comments
Aphorisms Attributed to This Aphorist
Love: A temporary insanity cureable either by marriage or by removal of the influences under which he incurred the disorder. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than the patient.
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be nullified on behalf of a single petitioner, admittedly unworthy.
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
Accuse: To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged them.
Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted into each others' pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Beauty: That power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
Cannon: An instrument used in the rectification of national boundaries.
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.