Unknown

While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

Wasting time is an important part of living.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Unknown, in Law and Politics

True friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eyes.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Unknown, (Muslim proverb), in Wisdom and Ignorance

Truth fears no questions.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.

Unknown, in Life and Death and Success and Failure

Use soft words and hard arguments.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Wisdom and Ignorance

Voters are people who have the God-given right to decide who will waste their money for them.

Unknown, (from Politicians and Other Scoundrels by Ferdinand Lundberg), in Law and Politics

War is menstruation envy.

Unknown, in War and Peace

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery

Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate