Unknown

First Rule of History: History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

First Law of Bicycling: No matter where you're going, it's uphill and against the wind.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Fairy tales: Horror stories for children to get them used to reality.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterwards.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Experience is often what you get when you were expecting something else.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Everything you do or say is public relations.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Draft beer, not people.

Unknown, in War and Peace

Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Don't do whatever you like -- like whatever you do.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery and Work and Recreation

Don't die until you're dead.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Unknown, in Life and Death and Work and Recreation

Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

Death is nature's way of recycling human beings.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance