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Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two equals four. If that is granted, all else follows.

George Orwell, 1984, in Happiness and Misery

Education is the period during which you are being instructed by somebody you do not know, about something you do not want to know.

Gilbert K. Chesterton, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Philip K. Dick, in Science and Religion

Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.

Eric Hoffer, in Love and Hate

Be polite to all, but intimate with few.

Thomas Jefferson, in Altruism and Cynicism

Never try to out-stubborn a cat.

Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazarus Long, in Success and Failure

I will answer anything I can with honor, but not about others.

John Brown, in Vice and Virtue

Too much of a good thing is just that.

Brian J. Dent, in Vice and Virtue

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller, in Life and Death

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, in Life and Death

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it.

Jack Handey, in Life and Death

Change occurs in direct proportion to dissatisfaction, but dissatisfaction never changes.

Doug Horton, in Success and Failure

A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.

Daniel Boorstin, in Success and Failure

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Robert A. Heinlein, in Men and Women

Take a chance and you may lose. Take not a chance and you have lost already.

Søren Kierkegaard, in Success and Failure

We must become the change we want to see.

Mahatma Gandhi, in Wisdom and Ignorance

If the aborigine drafted an I.Q. test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it.

Stanley Garn, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

Benny Hill, in Men and Women

I am become death, shatterer of worlds.

Robert J. Oppenheimer, (quoting the Bhagavadgita after witnessing the first nuclear explosion), in War and Peace

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

P. J. O'Rourke, All the Trouble in the World, in Altruism and Cynicism and Work and Recreation