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Aphorisms Galore! lets you Feed Your Wit by browsing, searching, submitting, discussing, and rating aphorisms and witty sayings by famous and not-so-famous people.

Welcome! The computer thought you might be interested in these aphorisms today, taking into account things like their recent popularities, their ratings, and how new they are to the collection:

Comment#  ·   Fair (506 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

Benny Hill, in Men and Women

Comment#  ·   Fair (299 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin, in Vice and Virtue

Comment#  ·   Fair (1115 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in War and Peace

The Devil's Dictionary (paperback)

Comment#  ·   Fair (1070 ratings)  ·  submitted 1998  · 

Mankind must give up war in the Atomic Era. What is at stake is the life or death of humanity.

Albert Einstein, in War and Peace

Comment#  ·   Fair (980 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997  · 

The great question -- which I have not been able to answer -- is, "What does a woman want?"

Sigmund Freud, in Men and Women

Comment#  ·   Fair (1386 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

Robert Frost, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation

Comment#  ·   Fair (257 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The more you wrestle with a turd, the more shit gets on you.

Shelly Horton, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (810 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The Puritans hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.

Thomas Macaulay, History of England, I, in Vice and Virtue

History of England (paperback)

Comment#  ·   Fair (553 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997  · 

Hitch your wagon to a star.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (723 ratings)  ·  submitted 1999 by Stephen

All these nervous breakdowns are driving me crazy.

Lee Hawkins, in Health and Disease

Comment#  ·   Fair (1237 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Egoist: A person of low taste, more interested in themselves than in me.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism

The Devil's Dictionary (paperback)

Comment#  ·   Fair (355 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

There's nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.

Peter F. Drucker, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (1560 ratings)  ·  submitted 1999 by David Knight

An expert is someone who is one page ahead of you in the manual.

David Knight, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Comment#  ·   Fair (492 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I call Christianity the one great curse, the one great intrinsic depravity, the one great instinct for revenge for which no expedient is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, petty -- I call it the one mortal blemish of mankind.

Friedrich Nietzsche, in Science and Religion

Comment#  ·   Fair (522 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.

Howard Aiken, in Success and Failure

Comment#  ·   Fair (1224 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.

Tom Clancy, in Art and Literature

Comment#  ·   Fair (278 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

Hubert H. Humphrey, in Law and Politics

Comment#  ·   Fair (677 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Whenever anyone says anything he is indulging in theories.

Alfred Korzybski, in Science and Religion and Wisdom and Ignorance

Comment#  ·   Fair (298 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Simon Cameron, in Altruism and Cynicism and Law and Politics

Comment#  ·   Fair (533 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

Albert Einstein, in Science and Religion

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