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Aphorisms Galore! lets you Feed Your Wit by browsing, searching, submitting, discussing, and rating aphorisms and witty sayings by famous and not-so-famous people.

Welcome! The computer thought you might be interested in these aphorisms today, taking into account things like their recent popularities, their ratings, and how new they are to the collection:

Comment#  ·   Fair (986 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts, in Life and Death

Deep Thoughts (paperback)

Comment#  ·   Fair (388 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If you want a high performance woman, I can go from zero to bitch in less than 2.1 seconds.

Krystal Ann Kraus, in Men and Women

Comment#  ·   Fair (890 ratings)  ·  submitted 1999  · 

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Woody Allen, in Life and Death and Love and Hate

Comment#  ·   Fair (283 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Sloppy thinking gets worse over time.

Jenny Holzer, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Comment#  ·   Fair (892 ratings)  ·  submitted 1998  · 

I wish to have no connection with any ship that does not sail fast; for I intend to go in harms way.

John Paul Jones, in War and Peace

Comment#  ·   Fair (610 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If we fight a war and win it with H-bombs, what history will remember is not the ideals we were fighting for but the methods we used to accomplish them. These methods will be compared to the warfare of Genghis Khan who ruthlessly killed every last inhabitant of Persia.

Hans A. Bethe, in War and Peace

Comment#  ·   Fair (499 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Imagination is more important than knowledge.

Albert Einstein, in Science and Religion and Wisdom and Ignorance

Comment#  ·   Fair (403 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Burning desire is the eternal flame.

Doug Horton, in Love and Hate

Comment#  ·   Fair (1211 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.

Thomas Jefferson, in Law and Politics

Comment#  ·   Fair (550 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I don't know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

Albert Einstein, in War and Peace

Comment#  ·   Fair (391 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.

Albert Einstein, in Science and Religion

Comment#  ·   Fair (370 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997  · 

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

Abraham Lincoln, in Vice and Virtue

Comment#  ·   Fair (476 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.

Lillian Hellman, in Altruism and Cynicism

Comment#  ·   Fair (1560 ratings)  ·  submitted 1999 by David Knight

An expert is someone who is one page ahead of you in the manual.

David Knight, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Comment#  ·   Fair (1108 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.

Ashleigh Brilliant, Brilliant Thoughts (copyright info: www.ashleighbrilliant.com), in Science and Religion

Comment#  ·   Fair (403 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation

Comment#  ·   Fair (408 ratings)  ·  submitted 1998

Freedom is not the right to live as we please, but the right to find how we ought to live in order to fulfill our potential.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Comment#  ·   Fair (512 ratings)  ·  submitted 1998

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it.

Jack Handey, in Life and Death

Comment#  ·   Fair (504 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Albert Einstein, in Vice and Virtue

Comment#  ·   Fair (464 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Every calling is great when greatly pursued.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, in Altruism and Cynicism

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